Hellooo there! I am Professor Iris! You know me already, but that's alright, heheh. Welcome to my office! Take a seat, I'll light a candle and answer all your questions about THE WAY OF THE CRONCH.
Here I have some FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS that I can answer for you right now! Additionally, you can ask more questions in the QUESTION BOX below! I hope I can be help to you, STUDENT OF THE CRONCH.
But if you are done here, please return to the ACADEMY to resume your studies.

What exactly is the CHURCH OF PURPLE CABBAGE?

The CHURCH OF PURPLE CABBAGE is an organization dedicated to the worship and enjoyment of the CRONCH. We are your family, your new family!

What is the CRONCH?

The CRONCH is a magnificent and all powerful energy source that YOU can tap into here at the CHURCH!

Why are you a professor, not a pastor or something?

Well that is an interesting question. I am a professor because I am an expert in the study of the CRONCH. A pastor talks to GOD, but I can't talk to the CRONCH, you know what I mean?

Why is Professor Viorel so grumpy all the time?

Poor boy, he's a wounded soul. Don't mind him, really. If he calls you a dumb whore, I'll make sure to give him a nice talking. In other words, I'll beat his ass. I'll say the magic word. ROCKO ROCKO ROCKO.

It seems like you don't like Professor Viorel. Do you hate him?

No comment.